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Fri, Sep. 23rd, 2005, 11:56 pm

Who cares? Honestly?

Fri, Jun. 3rd, 2005, 04:01 pm

Bah, Livejournal is most boring....who has Xanga?
If anyone... http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=diseasedmelodies

Tue, May. 24th, 2005, 03:40 am

Nothing ever goes on in my life!
Boredom reigns supreme!

Close to breaking...
Breaking down and calling Meghan...

I might also move back in with my mom...
My dad just...I dunno...

Sonmeone call me before I die...
I hate calling people...
So you all have to call me.

Thu, May. 19th, 2005, 08:43 am

Episode three kicked my ass like whoa.
I went in feeling sympathetic, that Anakin wouldn't be totally at fault for what happens.
By the end, that fucking bastard got what was coming.
In fact, what he gets is STILL not enough.
Fucking bastard.

Anyhow, See that movie. NOW.

Today I think I'm going to that art show thing.
Tonight I think I'm going to that club thing again.
I enjoyed it last time.

Tue, May. 17th, 2005, 09:07 am

Whooo. Good weekend.
Basically, an all weekend party at Jeffery's.
And abunch of other stuff. Lol.
I missed that whole gang alot. (Jeffery, Jorge, Fonzo, etc.)

So, a recap, probably not with the right days and such. Lol.

THURSDAY: Not only the name of a good band, but a good night it was also.
We went to this "Gay" club, which wasn't ACTUALLY a gay only thing,
it was quite interesting.
New experiences for the win!
Saw someone great.
She rocks my socks.

FRIDAY: Thusly, it begins.
Drunkness is awesome, why didn't someone inform me about this BEFORE I destroyed my liver?
Honestly, risking your life sucks.
Especially because you are in the situation because you were stupid as fuck and depressed.

SATURDAY: Mall with the partay posse.
Damn Police need to back the hell off meh.
Drunkeness continued due to the ticket.

SUNDAY: Drove around with Jeffery, then hung with Jarrod.

Exciting weekend. ^_^

Tue, May. 10th, 2005, 05:50 am
The long road back.

I have returned.
HOWEVER, I wish I really was dead, like some people believed.
Speeding tickets, popped tires, and no money are equal to hard times.
I'm going insane...I need to check out of life for awhile...

/sigh Before all the above happened though, things weren't so bad...
Saw "Kingdom of Heaven"...
Friends are home from college, which is nice...

But gah...am I lonely...
So very lonely...

My dad is an asshat too...he's on probation for drugs...and what does he do?
Last thing I need is for him to go to jail so I have to move back in with my mother...

...And my mom just yells at me..."Happy Mother's Day!"..."Where the hell is my present?"

I can't even fucking sleep...nor can I go home (I'm at Jarrod's) because of my goddamn flat tire!

I don't understand myself sometimes...
...I'm so damn fucked up it's hilarious...
...Meghan means nothing to me...but she also means everything...
...I could never tell her that...how weird would that sound?

...I need a "normal" relationship...

...I'm very odd...
...I have an image of Meghan in my head which is idealistic...it's not who she really is...
...I don't know if she means everything to me, or holding on to that image does...

...fuck this...
...fuck people...
...fuck this, because it's pointless...

(And for today's musical selection, "Tell Mick That He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today.")

"Light that smoke, that one for giving up on me
And one just cause they’ll kill you sooner than my expectations
To my favorite liar, to my favorite scar:
“I could have died with you”
I hope you choke on those words, that kiss, that bottle- I confess
Now ask yourself, yeah, out on the insides, I said I loved you but I lied

Let’s play this game called “when you catch fire”
I wouldn’t piss to put you out
Stop burning bridges and drive off of them
So I can forget about you

So bury me in memory
His smile’s your rope
So wrap it tight around your throat

On the drive home
Joke about the kid you used to see
And his jealousy
Breaking hearts has never looked so cool
As when you wrap your car around a tree
Your makeup looks so great next to his teeth

Let’s play this game called “when you catch fire”
I wouldn’t piss to put you out
Stop burning bridges and drive off of them
So I can forget about you

So bury me in memory
His smile’s your rope
So wrap it tight around your throat

So bury me in memory around your throat"

Go FallOutBoy...for the win.

Long entry...you rock if you read it...you rock even more if you post a comment...

Wed, Jun. 23rd, 2004, 12:08 am
I am not afraid to die.

I ask that if you decide to read this, read it all the way, understand this concept, and believe in it as I do...or something deep...or just read it cause it's fucking cool, K?

"I am not afraid to die.
There, I said it, I admitted it... to myself. I am not afraid to die, nor have I been since the day I walked out of Menzoberranzan. Only now have I come to fully appreciate that fact, and only because of a very special friend named Bruenor Battlehammer.
It is not bravado that makes such words flow from my lips. Not some needed show of courage and not some elevation of myself above any others. It is a simple truth. I am not afraid to die.
I do not wish to die, and I hold faith that I will fight viciously against any attempts to kill me. I'll not run foolishly into an enemy encampment with no chance of victory (though my friends often accuse me of just that, and even the obvious fact that we are not yet dead does not dissuade them from their barbs). Nay, I hope to live for several centuries. I hope to live forever, with my dear friends all about me every step of that unending journey.
So, why the lack of fear? I understand well enough that the road I willingly walk-indeed, the road I choose to walk-is fraught with peril and presents the very real possibility that one day, perhaps soon, I, or my friends, will be slain. And while it would kill me to be killed, obviously, and kill me even more to see great harm come to any of my dear friends, I will not shy from this road. Nor will they.
And now I know why. And now, because of Bruenor, I understand why I am not afraid to die.
Before, I expected that my lack of fear was due to some faith in a higher being, a deity, an afterlife, and there remains that comforting hope. That is but part of the equation, though, and part that is based upon prayers and blind faith, rather than the certain knowledge of that which truly sustains me, which truly guides me, which truly allows me to take every step along the perilous road with a profound sense of inner calm.
I am not afraid to die because I know that I am part of a something, a concept, a belief, that is bigger than all that is me, body and soul.
When I asked Bruenor about this road away from Mithral Hall that he has chosen, I put the question simply: what will the folk of Mithral Hall do if you are killed on the road?
His answer was even more simple and obvious: they'll do better then than if I went home and hid!
That's the way of the dwarves-and it is an expectation they place upon all their leaders. Even the overprotective ones, such as the consummate bodyguard Pwent, understand deep down that if they truly shelter Bruenor, they have, in effect, already slain the King of Mithral Hall. Bruenor recognizes the concept of Mithral Hall, a theocracy that is, in fact, a subtle democracy, is bigger than the dwarf, whoever it might be, who is presently occupying the throne. And Bruenor recognizes that kings before him and kings after him will die in battle, tragically, with the dwarves they leave behind caught unprepared for his demise. But countering that seeming inevitability, in the end, is that the concept that is Mithral Hall will rise from the ashes of the funeral pyre. When the drow came to Mithral Hall, as when any enemy in the past ever threatened the place, Bruenor, as king, stood strong and forthright, leading the charge. Indeed, it was Bruenor Battlehammer, and not some warrior acting on his behalf, who slew Matron Baenre herself, the finest notch he ever put into that nasty axe of his.
That is the place of a dwarf king, because a dwarf king must understand that the kingdom is more important than the king, that the clan is bigger than the king, that the principles of the clan's existence are the correct principles and are bigger than the mortal coil of king and commoner alike.
If Bruenor didn't believe that, if he couldn't honestly look his enemies coldly in the eye without fear for his own safety, then Bruenor should not be King of Mithral Hall. A leader who hides when danger reveals itself is no leader at all. A leader who thinks himself irreplaceable and invaluable is a fool.
But I am no leader, so how does this apply to me and my chosen road? Because I know in my heart that I walk a road of truth, a road of the best intentions (if sometimes those intentions are misguided), a road that to me is an honest one. I believe that my way is the correct way (for me, at least), and in my heart, if I ever do not believe this, then I must work hard to alter my course.
Many trials present themselves along this road. Enemies and other physical obstacles abound, of course, but along with them come the pains of the heart. In despair, I traveled back to Menzoberranzan, to surrender to the drow so that they would leave my friends alone, and in that most basic of errors I nearly cost the woman who is most dear to me her very life. I watched a confused and tired Wulfgar walk away from our group and feared he was walking into danger from which he would never emerge. And yet, despite the agony of the parting, I knew I had to let him go.
At times it is hard to hold confidence that the chosen fork in the road is the right one. The image of Ellifain dying will haunt me forever, I fear, yet I hold in retrospect the understanding that there was nothing I could have truly done differently. Even now knowing the dire consequences of my actions on that fateful day half a century ago, I believe that I would follow the same course, the one that my heart and my conscience forced upon me. For that is all that I can do, all that anyone can do. The inner guidance of conscience is the best marker along this difficult road, even if it is not foolproof.
I will follow it, though I know so well now the deep wounds I might find.
For as long as I believe I am walking the true road, if I am slain, then I die in the knowledge that for a brief period at least, I was part of something bigger than Drizzt Do'Urden.
I was part of the way it should be.
No drow, no man, no dwarf, could ever ask for more than that.
I am not afraid to die."
-Dark Elf Ranger Drizzt Do'Urden

Mon, Jun. 21st, 2004, 04:10 pm
I return...at last.

It's been forever since I posted anything...I'm bored as hell, miss Becca, and mostly just want to fall into a sleep that lasts until she comes home. I had a rough time at senior week overall, but met some cool people, and won't ever forget any of the good, and bad time I had. I realized I have alot more people that stand by me than I thought. Anyhow, Becca's gone for like...18 years (might as well be 18 years anyway, feels long enough and it's only been a week.) I miss her terribly. I can't wait until she back in my arms. I mostly just sit around with Leighmon and Jarrod, playing D&D, or working...which actually isn't to bad. Chuck is the coolest guy ever and I love working for him. I got my cell back, if any of you losers who read this wanna call me, the number is 610-780-1633. I have it on all the time, and it's always with me. Well, I'm out for now I guess...hope to post before another 2 months pass.

Mon, Mar. 22nd, 2004, 08:43 pm

same shit, different day...I cannot stand this town...or anyone who lives here...I get so sick of all the crap that happens in school and anything that has to do with it...actaully, there are some nice people here...likie leah...for giving me the Emery CD...they're awesome...can't wait for them to play soundwaves...I can't stand one person in this town in particular...I wish him to die...I wish he'd just go away...I hate the way I suspect everyone of wrong-doing...I can't stand it...

Tue, Mar. 9th, 2004, 09:28 pm
been a long time

Been a long time since I updated guys and dolls. How are y'all? lol. Anyhow....5 minute recap of a month...

  1. I'm totally nuts about my girlfriend Becca...
  2. I love Barnes and Noble, due to them ordering any CD you want, for no extra cost...
  3. Warped Tour is gonna kick my ass...
  4. I hate school...
  5. Senses Fail's New song, "Buried a Lie", is freaking awesome (available at their website sensesfail.com)...
  6. 110 days until Atreyu's new CD "The Curse" comes out...
  7. Cursive rocks, as does Bright Eyes...
  8. Beautiful Mistake CD waiting for me at B&N, want it bad...
  9.  Almost beat the screen watcher in WC3... This weekend should rock...
  10. Blind Houdinis, the greatest band ever, was formed,
  11. Evan on guitar, Chris on drums, Sims on bass, and Myself on vocals...
  12. "Would you like Fries with that?"
  13. ...4th quarter...god I'm almost done...

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